Three Three Two: Muse

 Just as a follow-on to last night's entry, I'll say that I do love the idea of a Muse. There's something deeply attractive about it. Having a Muse would mean that a lovely young companion would be in my life as an inspiration, as a confidante and advisor, as an aspirational symbol. A Muse would be someone I could write for or about, someone who'd urge me to actually accomplish things.

And yet...I have no idea what I'd do if I found myself with a Muse. I'd have no idea what the rules of the relationship would be like. I'd have no idea how to behave around her-- no idea how to show her that she was appreciated in her role, no idea how to demonstrate that I'd be worth her time. 

I feel the same way around the various Escort Twitter sites I visit as a flaneur. I would have no idea how to play the role of the gentleman client. Professionals provide services, yes. But any professional that deals with clients one on one-- and I'm thinking about accountants and lawyers and psychoanalysts as well as escorts --has expectations of the client.  Anyone can pay an escort and offer up periodic gifts of expensive lingerie and gift cards for high-end shopping, but there's also an expectation that the client will know how to behave and how to present himself. And I'm convinced that I couldn't do that. 

One of the girls at Escort Twitter wrote today about someone she described as an ex rather than a client. She wrote that he was older, alone, and somewhat lonely, and that she'd suggested to him that he consider "some form of paid companionship". He was, she wrote, somewhat hesitant to try that, since he had no idea what the rules were, no idea how to behave. I do sympathize with that. 

I'll note again that I lack the finances to utilize the services of a paid companion from Escort Twitter. That's a limitation that isn't going away. I am polite, courteous, and can make decent conversation within certain areas. But I'd have no idea how to present myself to a paid companion. One of the high-end girls at Escort Twitter might be like a $500 bottle of wine. I can tell the difference between a $15 pinot noir and a $50 pinot noir, but I lack the knowledge to fully appreciate a $100 bottle, let alone a $500 one. Her talents would likely be wasted on me, and as a professional, she'd have to know that-- know that I couldn't properly appreciate her. I of course would feel deeply guilty about that. 

The same is true of someone who'd be styled as a Muse-- paid or unpaid. She could offer encouragement or inspiration, but my fear would be that she'd feel wasted. One Escort Twitter biography offers this: business, stilettos, laughter, witty banter, sensual exploration, exquisite wine, culinary intrigue, spirited company as the girl's "great loves". Business, of course, means nothing to me. I know nothing about the worlds of business and finance. The other things, yes, certainly. But I'd still feel unable to appreciate what I was being offered. And no one professional likes feeling as if their skills are being wasted.

I would be as uncomfortable talking with an Escort Twitter girl and trying to explain my interests and wishes as I would be talking to a $1000/hour lawyer and asking him to handle a traffic citation. Even asking for the things that appeal to me would likely leave a GFE Escort bored to tears. I wouldn't fit. I wouldn't know how to behave, wouldn't know my part of the script. 

That's perhaps the worst of it for me: I wouldn't know my part of the script. I wouldn't know how to enact the proper rituals of appreciation and I wouldn't be able to fully appreciate what I was being offered. 

A lovely Muse would be a brilliant thing to have in my life, as would an elegant paid companion. I'm just afraid that I could never appreciate either.