Three Three One: Companions

 I have discovered Escort Twitter, and I've been following along with various accounts there. I want to be clear that I'm not communicating with anyone at any of the accounts. I'm just...an observer. The quiet figure at the next table. I will not be sliding into anyone's DMs. At most, I click "like" on some of the more elegant photos. Finding a photo stylish or alluring isn't a personal approach. It's about the photo, not about the person. I'm all too aware of the dangers of the parasocial here in the social media age.

What have I learned from Escort Twitter? If nothing else, I've learned the term FMTY-- Fly Me To You. That's simple enough. You can make arrangements with an escort to send her an airline ticket and arrange a meeting. Far, far out of the realm of my financial possibilities, but a straightforward enough idea. You contact an escort, establish your bona fides, and once you're vetted, you pay her way to a rendezvous at some elegant hotel or resort. 

I do like the way many of the escorts describe themselves: private paramour, luxury companion, libertine in search of adventure, provocateur, fine dining enthusiast, hunter in the forests of desire. And of course muse. Always muse. Lovely descriptors, mind you. The little Twitter biographies never say escort or sugar baby or courtesan-- there's  a fine line the girls get to walk. I'll assume that The Algorithm searches out accounts that are a bit too obvious. The girls creating the biographies have to be able to say that they never promised or offered transactional sex, that they were just describing themselves as affluent travelers or devotees of high-end food and wine and hotels. Well, that's understandable. They're marketing to an upscale clientele and trying not to be kicked off Twitter.

And...please. I wish all the girls at Escort Twitter well. I wish them professional success and lots of elegant gifts from gentlemen admirers. I have no intention of mocking anyone or treating her with disdain. I'm just there as a flaneur at Escort Twitter-- I'm just there passing through and nodding. My aim is to leave not even footprints and to take away only memories.  I have no wish to interfere in anyone's profession. 

The world of Escort Twitter is marketed as one of fine restaurants and elegant lingerie. Given my own thoughts on what I prefer my Young Companions to (not) wear under dresses and jeans and tops, the lingerie is superfluous. As for the rest, whatever happens at Escort Twitter happens in worlds I'll never see. I suppose I do regret that. I'd like to be able to afford both the services of a Luxury Companion and settings-- the restaurants and hotels and resorts --that go with the FMTY world. I'd like to think that I could be at home in those places. I'd like to have the skills and confidence to be an acceptable escort for an Escort Twitter girl. I'm afraid that I don't have those abilities, though.

I know how to be polite and courteous. I do know that. I can tell halfway decent stories, though in these latter days I don't seem to be adding many new ones to my repertoire. But despite many years of post-grad education and an Old New Orleans upbringing, I have a deep-seated fear that I'd lack the skills and confidence ever to be an acceptable client for an Escort Twitter girl. 

And of course I'm terrified of the idea of being vetted. Not just at Escort Twitter, mind you. I'm terrified of potential dates polling their friends on my value just as I'm made deeply uneasy of anyone at all looking at or my social standing. I'm a Gentleman of a Certain Age, but one who has no social standing. If I somehow contrived to have an FMTY experience with someone from Escort Twitter-- or arranged a rendezvous with an Escort Twitter girl while she was "on tour" --I'd feel shatteringly anxious about whether I was good enough to be a client. I'd worry that being seen with me would erode her own professional standing. 

This is all I suppose face-pressed-to-the-window regret-- standing outside the expensive restaurant or shop and realizing that you can't go inside-- or that you could, but you'd only make a fool of yourself and embarrass the Muse or Luxury Companion you'd be with.

There is a girl at Escort Twitter who's based in NYC and advertises herself as Over-educated and under-satiated. Your next dinner companion and co-conspirator. I do find the tag amusing and appealing. But I'm all-too-aware that I'm unlikely to know what to do with anyone over dinner these days. I lack the confidence these days to know what to say to a potential co-conspirator. 

My thought is that if you're dealing with a professional companion, you have two kinds of obligation. You pay for her professional skills and services. Obviously. You tip well, too. But you also have an obligation to fit into the world she's trying to create for herself and clients. I no longer know how to be a co-conspirator, and I certainly don't know how to be a worthwhile client. Melancholy thoughts.