I originally posed these questions back in 2004. I sent the list to various friends, including a girl I knew at the time who was finishing at Harvard Law and whose attitude, looks, experiences, and future left me filled with a toxic mix of Jealousy-Envy-Depression. Her answers to the questions only intensified those feelings. Nonetheless, I hope you'll read this and consider your own answers:
1. When and how did you first find the courage to make a major life decision
without consulting family/friends-- or in opposition to family and friends?
2. When and how did you define yourself as an independent person?
3. Have you ever not done something because you were afraid that family and
friends would comment/question?
4. Have you ever been too afraid to do something or say something because
you were afraid that you could lose emotional/financial support from family?
5. If you are gay or bi, were you able to come out to family and friends?
6. If straight, when and how were you able to allow yourself to be known as
a sexual person/ sexually active around family?
7. Would you ever have been too afraid to live with a Significant Other
because family might have Commented or asked Questions? Would you have not
moved in with a Significant Other out of fear of losing financial support?
8. Have you ever not introduced a Significant Other to friends/family
because they might Comment or ask Questions?
9. What things make you anxious or paralyzed with fear?
10. Have you ever feared taking any career chance or moving somewhere
because you might lose your economic position or have your standard of
11. Have you ever thought of yourself as too lacking in skills to make any
headway in the "Real World"? Have you ever felt that you deserved failure?
12. At what point in your life did you stop getting financial support from
family? Was it sooner or later than you expected?
13. Are you ever afraid that you can't live up to the social image/role
you've wanted for yourself?
14. Are you ever paralyzed by fear at the thought of being judged and found
wanting by Others in social or career situations? Would you rather be judged
harshly or just not compete and risk humiliation?
15. Of what things in your self are you deeply ashamed?
16. Could you survive a major emotional or financial reversal? How?
17. Do you ever think that you can't win an argument with Grown Ups or with
attractive members of your preferred gender? Do you ever go into arguments
thinking that someone like yourself can never win an argument?At
18. Do you ever think your life is all behind you?