Three Five Two: Essentials 2

 I had posted the list of 20 Essentials my friend Natalie sent me back in 2013. I promised to post the response I sent her-- a list of Essentials every Gentleman, whether Young or Of A Certain Age, should have. I couldn't find the original of my response, so I have reconstructed it here. These are things I think every Gentleman should have. Please do let me know what you think.

20 Essential Things Every Gentleman Must Have

1. A good blazer. This is the exoskeleton of your entire wardrobe. A good, well-fitted blazer will take you everywhere. I prefer black to navy blue.

2. Good black walking shoes. Something that'll take you on long city walks and carry you from a corporate meeting to a hip bar by the university. I prefer blucher to Oxford style.

3. A signature scent. For me, that's Eau Sauvage by Dior or Eternity for Men.

4. A local bistro that's a second home. A place where you're a regular. Where they serve you off-menu items you didn't know you needed. Where they know your tastes, and where you have a group of interlocutors around whenever you're at the bar.

5. A bottle of good single-malt. You'll need it on nights when you're poring over that book you've been looking for all your life, and you'll need it when that special guest comes by. If Herr Herzog shows up unexpectedly, I'll pour him a glass of Dalmore Cigar Blend or Suntory Yamazaki.

6. A passport. Yes. It's a big world, and you need to see it. And you never know when you might have to suddenly flee the Agents of the Dawn.

7. Dude Wipes. In case a lovely Young Companion unexpectedly knocks at your door. You need to be ready for that.

8. Cigarette lighter. You may not smoke, but the lovely, mysterious girl at the next barstool just may. A gentleman is ready for that. And it is a good way to open a conversation.

9. A good, durable shoulder bag. Your laptop or iPad, a good book, sunglasses, this week's New Yorker, your charger, a couple of pens, and a Moleskine. You need this. I've been using Land's End briefcases as a shoulder bag for decades.

10. A signature dish. Well, I'm New Orleans-born. I make a very decent jambalaya. Young Companions seem intrigued.

11. A good chef's knife and a cast-iron skillet. Something any civilized person needs. Those two things will get you through a myriad of cooking moments. And they've served me through many a Friday night with a good rib-eye and a bottle of wine.

12. A Moleskine notebook. Like everyone else from my generation, it was Bruce Chatwin who told us about Moleskines. They're classic, simple, timeless. I used hardbound grid-ruled ones for years and years, but these days I'm using the softcover, lined version. I keep a supply on hand, and I wouldn't be without one.

13. Some knowledge of wine. Of course. However not? There's a world of good wine in the $20-$50 range. Try things. Read about things. My preferences these days are for New Zealand sauvignon blanc and pinot noir. But I do appreciate a good Argentine malbec. And whether you're watching a film alone in your flat or sitting out on the deck with a lovely, long-legged Comp Lit co-ed, a glass of wine is always a good idea.

14. A good fountain pen. There's something very sensual about writing with a good fountain pen. And it tempts you to write letters and actually communicate with people. Makes you develop a reasonably elegant handwriting, too. My current favourite is a classic Waterman with an XF nib. I like my inks in a bordeaux shade-- or the Birmingham Inks "Waterfront Dusk" shade.

15. A seduction playlist. The lovely N. at RadioKvetch says that every girl should have her own strip-tease song for use with a lover (hers is Kavinsky's "Nightcall"), but as a Gentleman of a Certain Age, I have a seduction playlist instead. The key songs on it are-- Cowboy Junkies, "Sweet Jane"; Beth Orton, "Anywhere"; and Duran Duran, "Come Undone". There's probably some "Gods & Monsters"-era Lana Del Rey in there, too.

16. A good face care regimen. Because the clock is ticking. Always.

17. A good book collection. Because I have lived my life through books, and books open up the world and the past. And a good book collection is indispensable for tempting leggy Comparative Lit co-eds into your lair.

18. A lovely Young Companion. Oh, yes-- long-legged, slender, sharp-cheekboned and sharp-hipboned, with lovely eyes, an aversion to underwear and sleepwear, bookish, whip-smart, wicked, and open to adventures.

19. A small stuffling friend. A stuffling is loyal, faithful, comforting, and a good listener. Dorian-- the best of all Small Mongolian Pony stufflings! --has been with me for a lifetime. He's traveled the world with me, and was there with me for my PhD viva voce.

20. A mysterious Past. Well, obviously. A Past with good stories, a Past that will hold the attention of that leggy Comp Lit co-ed. You need good Stories, and you need the ability to tell good stories. All those years lecturing to classes at least helped me with that.

If you're reading this out over the aether, you are of course invited to submit your own Lists. What Essentials should a lovely girl have in her life and shoulder bag? What Essentials should a gentleman have for structuring his own life and attracting lovely Young Companions?

Three Five One: Flavors

 Jill in Wellington wrote me once upon a time with a story from her teen years, a story about Julia, the first girl she had sex with. I miss Jill's stories, and miss the spirit of adventure she brought to her stories:

I have quite a bad memory in general, but especially when i've been enjoying drinks & drugs. but i remember one night with julia, an old friend from school. i was about 15 and staying at her apartment in town while her mum & her mum's lesbian lover were away. we raided the liquor cabinet and were really drunk. we were out on the balcony and i was licking her clit and had my fingers in her cunt. she came and pissed at the same time, and a bit got in my mouth. i was not into it at all, i grabbed our bottle of tequila and had a few big gulps. Julia apologised several times...but also said how good it felt to cum and piss at the same time. i'm always very open to new experiences so i gave it a try...and it felt amazing. it made my orgasm so much more intense. Julia loved it too...

Later i discovered pissing while purging which is also amazing. 

I do feel sad that she abandoned her past. It's always sad when a beautiful girl who has a Slutty Party Girl past filled with wicked stories decides in her early thirties to pretend those experiences never happened. It's always sad when a beautiful, wicked girl decides that she now needs to be a Grown-Up and put sexual adventures aside. 

Jill told me once that Julia left school a year or so later and now lives in a council flat with two half-Maori children by different (and unknown) fathers. That could be (and probably is) a sad story-- all the more so since Jill hasn't seen Julia in years. 

Nonetheless, Jill has a good fifteen or twenty years worth of stories in her diaries and memories. It's sad that she's tried to erase them.

Three Five Zero: Essentials

A lovely friend wrote this back in 2013, in response to a List I created for her-- a List of 20 Essential Things Every Gentleman Should Have. You'll have to tell me what you think of her List...

 I've been inspired to write a short list of things every girl needs to have. So, here it goes:

1. Black skinnies. Goes with everything and can be dressed up or down; I like Gap as their sizing is the most consistent and the prices are reasonable.

2. Black flats. Same as above, APC makes a delightful pair, as does Bloch.

3. A strip-tease song. Mine is "Nightcall" by Kavinsky from the Drive soundtrack- wonderfully sultry and slow enough keep a sensual and fluid rhythm.

4. At least one foreign language. How else will a Ghostgirl communicate in the Far Foreign? French is a must (obviously) and another should be unique, specific to your interests. I love Russian and Korean, however Arabic or Japanese are perfect as well.

5. A small book to carry around in one's purse. Perfect for reading on the quad or at a cafe and is a great conversation starter. Mine lately have been "Invisible Cities", "Discipline and Punish", and a copies of n+1.

6. A good vibrator. Need a girl say more?

7. A lighter. For the impromptu post-sex cigarette or lighting a stranger's--- a great way to get to know someone.

8. A brand of cigarettes. This becomes your signature and reveals a lot about your personality. I smoke organic American Spirits (liberal arts, humanities educated, "concerned about the environment", and upper-middle class). Please don't be a Parliaments or Menthol girl. Just no.

9. Some knowledge of wine. Being an oenophile is sexy and can really impress a date. Choose one that fits most dishes and is in the $15-30 range. You never want to be cheap when it comes to wine--- girls who buy $8 bottles of Moscato are almost always virgins. My favorites: Garnachas, Tempranillos, Sangioveses, Cabernets from Napa.

10. An animal friend. An animal companion can instantly lift one's mood; my Dmitri is my everything.

11. A troubled past. Provides for great stories and a better understanding of the human condition (at least in my experience).

12. A passport filled with visas and stamped to oblivion.

13. A few favorite artists, poets, directors, etc. that one can discuss in-depth. A few of mine: Mikhail Vrubel, Neruda, Almodovar.

14. Red lipstick. I wear YSL Rouge Volupte (so creamy and it smells like mangoes!). Classically sexy and an easy way to vamp up any look.

15. A signature perfume. YSL Opium for going out and Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb for the day for me. Always be careful when applying: you want someone to only smell your perfume when they lean in close for transgressive suggestions.

16. Some ability to sing or play an instrument. I did choir for 5 years and have a fairly good voice and played piano for 9 years. Also, have a favorite composer. I love playing Chopin and Rachmaninoff.

17. A reliable pen for writing down potential lovers' contact info, random thoughts, and Lists (in a Moleskine, of course). I prefer Pilot G-2's.

18. A cast iron skillet and good chef's knife. That being said, know how to cook. Nothing is sadder than a girl who lives on takeout and can't chiffonade for shit.

19. A moneyed lover. Naturally.

20. Sharp cheekbones, jutting hipbones, and long legs.

I'll note that she listed black skinny jeans but didn't list any lingerie. That's a good thing. Beautiful young girls should habitually be panty-free. 

Tell me what you think of her List. I may have to find my own original List for Gentlemen, or at least attempt to reconstruct it. I'll post here if I do, of course.

Three Four Nine: Equipment

Back in 2007 my lovely, long-legged blonde friend Jill in NZ sent me a List-- and inventory list for her Hook-Up kit. These were the things she'd take in her bag when she went out into the Wellington night in party girl mode. After all, she said, when you went out to the clubs on Friday night, you never knew where you might be waking up on Saturday morning. 

I liked it that she was a girl who believed in being prepared. I liked it that she kept a checklist in her Moleskine. I've always obsessed over things like Kits and Lists. I'm not sure what than says about me, but I do like having checklists at hand in my life. I'm rather a fan of EDC ("Everyday Carry") lists and packing lists, and I love the idea of having the correct gear for adventures or travel. That's something that sounds very, very male, doesn't it? There may be a kind of magical thinking there, of course. If I have the equipment, maybe I'll magically have the life or the adventures the equipment is meant for. If I have a proper Hook-Up Kit or Morning-After Kit (and there must be male versions!) then the universe may generate lovely young partners for me. Why not?

Jill in Wellington told me once that from sixteen until she turned thirty, she never went out to parties without an engraved hip flask in her bag. Either vodka (often Belvedere) or Maker's Mark bourbon. Bourbon, she always said, feels like coming home. Her flask was engraved with Semper Paratus-- a bit obvious, but she was still in high school when she bought the flask. I like it that she did keep the flask for so many years. She liked having it to have a drink on a friend's porch in the evenings, and I know she made a few after-hours drinks in her office. At thirty, she told me, having it didn't seem professional. Too bad, really. The idea of the flask attracts me. I have a couple of nice flasks, but here in the risk-averse and moralizing world we live in, I couldn't keep them in my office desk.

Jill's 2007 Hook-Up Kit contained:

-Travel pack of condoms (3)

-Travel pack of wet wipes

-Travel toothbrush/toothpaste

-Mini-tube of water-soluble lube

-Lipstick

-Mascara

-Concealer

-iPhone & charger

-$NZ 300 (which is about $US 200)

She also noted that if she was sure there was an overnight stay happening, she'd bring a small spray can of dry shampoo. 

I like the idea of the wet wipes, too. I usually have some in my desk in case I'm doing a quick make-myself-look-presentable thing before going out after work. If there were such a thing as a male hook-up kit, I'd also have a travel-size anti-perspirant in it. The wet wipes  I have are unfortunately called "Dude Wipes"-- there's gendered marketing! Jill told me that she used wet wipes both for cleaning her face and for wiping down strangers' cocks before giving them blowjobs. That seems all very sensible. The Dude Wipes have packaging copy that archly hints at using the wipes to make sure that one's...Parts...are clean and scent-free for romantic encounters, but Jill is a Kiwi girl, and NZ girls are known for being blunt about these things.

I like it that she brought her own lube, too. I like it that "personal lube" can be purchased in a "mini-tube" for one-night encounters.

I've heard girls say that they'd bring along a fresh pair of underwear if they thought they might be spending a night in a stranger's bed-- something to wear home in the morning light. Jill of course rarely wore any, so that was never a morning-after item for her. 

Once upon a time, I showed Levin Jill's list, and Levin laughed and told me that she usually had a small vibrator in her backpack if she was out on a Friday or Saturday night. She never knew ahead of time, she said, whether the stranger whose bed she'd be sharing would be male or female. Once in a while, she said, she'd bring her glass butt plug in its velvet bag-- in case she was with a male partner who needed to have his horizons broadened. Like Jill, Levin always soaked the glass butt plug in ice water before using it on herself or on others. Fifteen minutes, she'd say. Fifteen minutes nestled in a bowl of ice cubes and chilled water was optimum for...effects. And, yes, I liked the image of Levin as a kind of sexual missionary. Back in the day, I may have laughed when she told me about the glass butt plug and called her an Agent of Chaos. 

A male Hook-Up Kit, now...what should be in it? That's a question worth considering. Though the Arbitrary Social Rules seem to favor a male bringing a beautiful stranger back to his own lair.  Girls seem-- maybe counterintuitively --that it's safer or more secure to go back to a male partner's flat than to allow a male into her own space. If you're reading this out over the aether, I hope you'll comment on that issue.

If you're reading this out over the aether, comment and tell me if you had a Party Girl time in your life when you brought a Hook-Up Kit with you to clubs or parties...just in case. Jill in Wellington always called that time in her life her JSA years: Jill's Slutty Adventures. Her JSA tales from her teens up into being thirty are always deliciously wicked, often funny, and always thrilling. 

So do send me Lists. Tell me about what your checklist would be for a Hook-Up Kit.

Three Four Eight: Signposts

I have been back at Escort Twitter, looking through feeds by FMTY Girls.

One thing I've found to think about is this. I've never liked lingerie. I understand, or at least think I understand, the semiotics of lingerie. When I look at the FMTY Girls' feeds, I understand what they're trying to say with photos of themselves in expensive lingerie or photos of the gift boxes expensive lingerie came in. 

Part of it is very simple, of course. Gifts of expensive lingerie symbolize luxury. They're a marker for the client "spoiling" the girl. Things like Agent Provocateur symbolize both luxury and "decadence"-- they symbolize upper-class lifestyles and what is always taken for "decadence": champagne for breakfast, willowy girls in nothing but lingerie at noon. High-end lingerie stands for a certain kind of sex, and it also stands for a life where the girl has nothing to do on any ordinary day but wear silk thongs and garter belts and be ready for sex in an elegant setting.

And yet...lingerie never meant anything to me. I am old enough to remember Helmut Newton's photos from the later 1970s and early 1980s, with all the models in black silk stockings and lace bustiers or bras. I thought of those things even then as a kind of obsession not with sex itself but the idea of "European" sex-- chateaux and castles, four and five-star hotels in Paris or London. Of course I'm attracted to the idea of decadence, but stockings and garters never seemed to be the markers to attract me.

You know this part. I prefer my girls to avoid lingerie. I prefer them to avoid undergarments altogether. I prefer girls who'll sleep naked-- or just in one of my shirts --to ones in silk teddies or camisoles. I have no idea what I'd say to a girl who wanted to wear a nightgown in my bed...except to explain that there's nothing sexy about sleepwear for beautiful girls. I'd offer her one of my dress shirts, but I'd hope that she'd sleep naked. 

I remember the early '90s and lots of Prince videos-- girls in very short skirts that left their stocking tops and garter belts clearly on display. That was a brief fashion moment, and my young ladies of the day were encouraged to forego stockings altogether. I'd much rather caress or kiss tanned, taut, sleek bare flesh than be kissing fabric. And I suppose, too, that stockings do run. Active sex is hard on stockings, and you'd have to replace them far too often.  Bare legs are always best. 

I'm fine with slender, toned girls in black leggings, but it's dark-tanned bare legs in short skirts that I prefer on my dates. In the Southern summertime, sundresses should never be worn with stockings or lingerie. Sundresses go next to the skin. If a girl tells me that she has summertime fantasies of "getting railed in a sundress", I always point out that there should be nothing at all under that sundress to get in the way. 

I'm not sure where I want to go with this. What I'm thinking is that I'm not sure what signs and symbols appeal to me. Lingerie, even the most expensive and most well-designed or made, isn't a symbol for sex-- at least to me. In the FMTY world, expensive lingerie has its own ritual justifications, both for companion and client. But those things don't speak to me.

The girl in a man's dress shirt. The girl in a very tailored, half-unbuttoned white blouse. The expensive sweater worn next to the skin with a pair of very short cut-off shorts. The girl in a man-tailored blazer next to the skin. Those things all appeal to me. Collarbones, hipbones, long bare backs, long slender legs-- those things excite me in ways that girls in Agent Provocateur or La Perla never can. 

I'm not sure what the social messages in my preferences are. They're more...what? Model Off Duty looks? And things that suggest Comparative Lit co-eds who are living out fantasies of being a Muse or Learning About The World from an Older Lover. 

But I just don't fit into the FMTY world. I can't afford its rituals, and I have far, far too little of the particular kind of social capital I'd need to ever have a dinner date with an FMTY Girl.